I was sat on the back row of the 149 with the seat immediately next to me empty and the one next to that occupied by this black guy. And before you throw you hands up about why I've described him as black, it's integral to the story, all right? To make this story easier to explain, I'm going to call him "Tone Deaf".
Anyway, so we stop at a bus stop in Shoreditch. Lots of people with a-symmetric haircuts get on and so does another black guy with this ENORMOUS bag. I'm going to call him "Mos Def" purely because it rhymes and therefore pleases my musical sensibilities. He decides to sit in the empty seat between us, much to the disgust of Tone Deaf, who tuts rather loudly and rolls his eyes. Big mistake.
Mos Def: "You got a problem blud?"
Tone Deaf: Silence
Mos Def: "I said, have you got a problem? Something seems to be displeasing you, right? Why are you so pissed, man?"
Tone Deaf:"Your bag is in the way".
I'm thinking, oh no. Don't answer back - he's about three times as big as you and could very easily kick the shit out of you without breaking a sweat.
Mos Def: "My bag? Look, I can put my bag wherever I want to put my bag, whether you like it or not. You get me?"
Tone Deaf: Silence
Mos Def in raised voice: "I said, do you get me?!"
OK, so by this stage I'm thinking, there is going to be a big showdown right next to me and I want to get the hell off this bus.
Tone Deaf squeaks: "Yes, I get you."
Mos Def: "Anyway man, we shouldn't be arguing. We should be on the same side. We are like brothers innit. We are the same - you and me. We got issues. Listen, we can be brothers. Sing with me. 'I shot the sheriff...'"
What the...you're singing?!
Mos Def: "Come on bruv, sing me the next line. 'I shot the sheriff..."
Tone Deaf in mouse-like voice: "'But...er...I didn't shoot the deputy....'?"
Mos Def: "That's right man. I like it. Do you know this one? 'Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon. You come and you go, you come and you goooo-ohhh."
The whole bus is in hysterics at this mad bloke singing at the top of his voice except one guy sitting in front of me who is not so happy. He's dressed in full Nigerian traditional dress and turns round and tuts.
Nigerian: "You have it wrong. There is no second 'you'." And he too begins to sing. "It goes, 'You come and go, you come and gooo-oh!'" (To be fair, this dude could really hold a note).
Mos Def: "Oh right, I never knew that. Thanks man. Come on everyone, sing it with me."
Stifled giggling from everyone.
Mos Def in menacing voice: "I said, SING IT WITH ME!"
Jesus, the back of the bus was terrified. What could we do? We had no choice and I was sat next to the guy. Before I knew it, we were all doing our best Boy George impressions so as not to get our heads kicked in. "Karma karma, karma, karma , karma chameleon...red, gold and green...."
I have never wanted London Bridge station to arrive so fast in my life....
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5 comments:
Lmao!
Thank you for that, one of those special 'moments' that you just don't get if you travel by tube.
Great blog, bus rides are sometimes stranger than fiction.
What route does the 149 take?
Sounds like fun... I need to try the 149.
It's starts at Edmonton Green and runs all the way down to London Bridge. A useful route I find (though the Dalston part takes ages - the traffic around there - sheesh!)
149 rules. And so do you.
See you on the bus, stranger.
X Darlin'
PS: I hope you don't mind, but I just linked your blog.
This was such a hilarious read!!did this really happen??I couldn't stop laughing!!
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